Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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