I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
