Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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