dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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