My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
