There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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