I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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