I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize