I just threw up on my dentist
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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