Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
