so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
