We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize