Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
50% drunk capacity currently
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
