We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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