5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
