WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
