thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
