Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Pants are for mortals
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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