so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
