When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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