oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
