i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize