i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
