:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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