He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
