shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
