I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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