I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
