okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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