I want to have your abortion
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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