Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
