so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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