Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
