I met the friendliest cop last night
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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