Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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