she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What a dumb baby whore.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
