Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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