i would punch a child for taco bell
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
