What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
