my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
