There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
