Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm really busy with my period
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