So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize