you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
