you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
