my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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