Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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