had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
