I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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