I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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