Can Purell be used as lube?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize