She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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