I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
