If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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