my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
