I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
