piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
