you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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