you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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