i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
