why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize