i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
