So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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