i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
