the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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